Thursday night;
Two conversations with two different people all angled at what ifs.
Exasperated by the senseless irony of how one conversation is similar to the
dire situation I am in now. Those same words uttered in repeat mode made
me apologize for not being able to be of any help because I lack in the department
of consoling. Apology accepted, tuned out and plugged in, end of conversation. The
later, I shall not reveal the contents of it as it makes me ponder too much if I
should actually be reading into them. Wondering if it is in favor of what I
think it might be or I am just thinking too much about it. Well a pact made
some time back with an external heart, ‘perhaps let us look at how things will
be in three months.’ The first month is up just not long ago. Honestly I do not
know what to make of it yet. So yes let me patiently wait till all my troubles
are gone. ‘Only with a clear mind, can one think proper right?’
Friday morning;
Amused by my own ability to rise at five in the morning only to be late when
I had an interview scheduled at nine that same morning! The interview made my
day, I was feeling all bright and chirpy, even sat in the car and smiled during
my drive home. But somewhere in between when I noticed the light pop up on my
fuel gauge, my smile dropped to a nasty movement of me silently cursing and
swearing. Alright not that silent, actually rather loudly because I was alone in
the car! I was low on fuel! Thanks daddy! Its dad’s turn to quench the car’s
thirst or feed it its energy drink or something, I had been doing so for the
past weeks and its making me grow broker than a broke. If that even makes sense
at all.
Friday noon to night;
Episode with the car and the interview was over. I got home, stepped out of
my clothes and collapsed on my bed. I looked out the window, watching the
clouds crowd. With the streak of the lighting the rain came pouring down.
Tapping on my window panes, I calmly drift into a slumber yet again only to
wake up to the sight of my mom watching me rest. She distracted me, so I ended
up watching serials with her only to end up falling asleep again. This is how
FRIDAY was over.
Saturday noon;
As the chill air brush against my skin tingling my pores making my lips curl
up as a smile form on my face and I open my eyes to this beautiful Saturday afternoon.
My hair disheveled from all that moving around during my slumber, but today is
different, the only thing I missed waking up to is love. As the sole of my feet
touched the cold tiles of my bedroom floor, the only thing I wished for was to
only be able to roll around in bed longer. Thinking to myself, these dreams I have
been smiling to these past months really do make me happy even if it was for a
while. Just as I thought, how this past week can be so quiet, well now is when
the drama starts. Before, they say you deserve the best because you are the best, now you were not worth it because you are the worst of them all. Yelling, cursing, demands, and they say love was never about
the money. Now that it’s over they demand that money, call you a cheat, call
you a liar, say the nastiest things about you, and they…….. become violent.
Mental note to myself:
Remain strong, smile and let positivity take over, believe in tomorrow,
leave the past behind whatever may happen today. And if you have to cry please
just cry and stop holding it in. You have kept it to yourself for too long,
your tears. It is time you return to being independent like you once was for a
long time. Love no other till you hate them later. If love must happen later
than hate them before you love them. That way you will never leave them, and
they you.
Laugh to yourself tonight, laugh till you feel tired, and then go to bed.
Period.
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