Where art thou?

I cried. I cried yesterday. 

It hurt. It hurt so bad.

I remembered. I remembered those lives that could have been. It made me realize what I have done. Done to me. 

I didn't have to slit my wrists, I didn't have to consume substances, I didn't have to balance on the edge of the ledge and I didn't have to practice these dead knots.

I gasped for air as the I drowned in tears. 

I need some distraction dear beautiful release for I hurt myself again. 

I cried. I cried again today as I reflected. Something I didn't think about for a long time resurfaced yesterday and it is taking awhile to fade off. It's getting harder at the end of the each day.

I don't want to cry alone, it gets really lonely. Will you hold me tight tonight, stroke my hair and tell me in that soothing voice that I am going to get better and everything is going to be fine?

And if I tell you to stay like that for awhile longer, will you hold me tight in silence?

We don't need a name to this, all we need is us. If we last it means we've surpassed all worldly matters. All I want is trust and all I need is comfort. It'll be a plus if love blooms, but I'm afraid so afraid to love yet another or may be I no longer know the kind of love that lovers share. I may dream about a love I yearn for, but my practicality may be mistaken for expectations. 

I'm tired, tired of people, tired of knowing people, tired of being out there and tired of being tired, I want to live happily and accomplished with dreams worth fighting for. 

I want to live for me, and in hope that one day the you who will enter my life and remain till for as long as I may last. That same you will love me for me and me alone, not my past, not my stories, not my pain, not my achievements but for only me as a being who'd be your soul mate and better half.